Hold it in or Say it all

30 Mar

When something is bothering you, do you tend to hold it in or say it all?  I always have this internal debate with myself.  Should I say something or not?  What constitutes as something that’s worth mentioning? These questions are in my head quite often because I happen to deal with someone (on a daily basis) who is the complete opposite.  To demonstrate, here is an exact quote from today: “You’re not normal. You don’t possess the natural skill of communication that everyone, but you, has been blessed with.” Yes, it’s funny now, but it’s been a couple hours so I’ve had time to calm down.

 I wear my heart on my sleeve, so for me, everything is worth mentioning.   This isn’t some kind of overly sensitive, need-to-talk-about-everything, female mentality.  It’s just me and my love/hate relationship with the English language.   For me, it’s better to be open and communicative about issues that arise as opposed to holding them in.  The more you hold in, the more that builds until it all eventually comes out, and it will eventually come out.  My mentality is: I know you’re not a mind reader and I don’t expect you to be one.  So when things bother me, I’m not going to make you guess what it is.  I’ll just tell you. 

I know others handle problems differently, but I would rather handle and have my mind mentally process each problem individually.   I want to discuss and get over it. I’ve found that for people who tend to hold things in, they also tend to be masters of passive aggression. This is where I fail.  I don’t know how to be passive aggressive given my diarrhea of the mouth syndrome.  I’ve also noticed that the longer problems build the harder it is to fix them. By the time you do discuss your issues or disagreements, it’s oftentimes too late because you’re only discussing it because you’ve been pushed to that point and that’s not fair to anyone. 

However, this is only about how I like to handle problems and as mentioned above it’s very different from how others do it.  For me, the key to dealing with disagreements or even irritants isn’t holding it in or even bringing them up.  It’s realizing when to let things go even without a deep discussion because sometimes the relationship is worth the little irritants that come along with it. 

Photo credit: http://bit.ly/g5kqxs


2 Responses to “Hold it in or Say it all”

  1. jackson rodgers April 2, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

    For me, it’s also better to have that dialogue right away whenever something bothers you. If you hold it in for too long, it will come out and not in a good way. Just be tactful in how you say it.

    • kelleyzwong April 2, 2011 at 8:22 pm #

      I couldn’t agree more. When I try to keep quiet about things it’s always worse in the end because I’m still thinking about it and the more I think about it, the more distressed and irritated I become. I’m glad someone else agrees with me!

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