I was reading an article today on www.thefrisky.com that stated the key to winning any argument is to simply state, “You just really hurt my feelings.” Now, I love this website. I frequently retweet their articles and check the site daily for new info, but I am going to have to severely disagree with this particular article and this notion of simply saying, “You hurt my feelings” and having the other person immediately feel horrible and apologizing. From my experience this doesn’t happen. This is more likely to work with women, but I really don’t remember this ever ending well with males. I would like to use the word “men”, but oftentimes I’ve come to realize that most men I argue with turn into children once any dispute becomes too much for them to handle (this includes staring at the wall, plugging their ears, walking away, etc.)
I consider myself to be understanding, empathetic and sympathetic (all around the perfect specimen of a human being, kidding). I think for the most part arguing or rather disagreeing usually ends well. I am a firm believer in, “let’s just agree to disagree” and know that sometimes there just isn’t a win/win scenario. I also believe that it is always pertinent to state your point (even if it’s not well received) and to make it known that what the other person did/said affected you in a hurtful/negative/careless/immature/etc. way. Not just so they can feel bad about it, but so they can avoid doing/saying it again. Whether they are wise enough to avoid the same scenario is up to them. However, simply stating, “you hurt my feelings” for the sake of making someone feel shitty and apologize is not constructive for either party.
I don’t believe in making someone feel bad for the sake of making them feel bad. They should feel bad because they did something terrible that made you feel bad. In order to achieve this, state exactly what they did/said that resulted in your damaged feelings. How they feel about that is their problem. If they choose to apologize based on what you said, that’s fantastic and you know they aren’t solely saying it because they feel guilty. What do you do if they don’t apologize? Cry. That usually works.*
*I’m kidding. Don’t cry. This doesn’t usually end well.
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